I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray

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Spreading legs of spiders

I know I was a bastard.
I know you knew what I was up to
And you still let me figure it out.
Time, space, and freedom were given from the kind hands you sit on
And I just let you until they went numb.
I know you’re not dumb.
I was either too selfish to run
Or I just didn’t have it in my lungs.
Somehow you still stuck close to your soul
And for some reason I decided to notice.
Water hit the ground with our clothes
And I held the curtain for you as an offer, I suppose.
Warm puddles formed around your toes while I stood under the faucet.
Somewhat exhausted, I couldn’t open my eyes.
Baptized in love, there’s less clarity in my disguise while my skin is indented.
I intend to love you like I did in that shower.
I will keep you warmer than that water
And I won’t let a good girl get used as fodder.
I could watch all of empire with you
While I give all of Kuyler to you.
I pray all your darkness turns blue
And all my feelings are true.

Median of my high and low

Will you hold me tonight.
Sing to me how our relationship is tough but it’s all gonna work out.
I’m fairly tired and things aren’t working like I planned out.
My confidence seemed to dwell on me
And right now things do not look well for me
I’m losing a love in pursuit of another.
She spills blood and I chose to be loved like a brother.
The good times just don’t aline with the bad.
It doesn’t matter if my selfishness hides.
I will still get what’s mine.
If I do wake up to sunshine in the morning,
I’ll roll a cigarette and listen to soft guitar.
If I wake up and hear that it’s pouring,
I’ll roll a joint and fall back asleep with my head in the stars.
I might not know how to cope with this
But I’m fine with keeping it to myself.
Until both of these bags are empty, I don’t need any help.


My body is foreign to me.
I am a shadow projected for all to see.
I am faith. I do not believe.
I fear my conscious will not retrieve
The greatness in my sleep.
I’ve taken wool off a sheep
And I have secretes to keep.


Just cigarettes and coffee on Sunday morning.
Eyes close easier than they open.
Life around here is breaking sunrise.
Fingers on my chest reiterate trust.

Well, I still like myself at least.

I’m taking a break from love
Because I miss myself.
Feeling small in my bed again
The only hair in my face is mine.
Driving past your house for the 8th time this week,
I’m on my third pack of cigarettes.
It’s funny that I dragged my feet for this long
And still haven’t tripped.
All of my balance is off
And I still haven’t tipped.
Coming back to myself
I’m unattracted to help.
Smoke my heart out
And I’ll pass out with my arm on you.
Bleeding out of my eyes,
She likes what my charm can do,
But I don’t.
I’m forever leaving people who care
Because I’m a lover with the seasons.
I just sit in my underwear
And dream of a love-like freedom.
Don’t put your fingers in my hair
Because they will get tangled
And darling lets be honest,
I’ll rip your fingers out before you cut my hair.


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