I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray

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No Shoes and a Sweater

I’m a simple man with a lot on my mind.
I’ve spent my whole life thinking there was something to find,
Or someone who was waiting on me that would be perfectly kind.
I haven’t really found either yet but I’m perfectly fine.
I’ve settled most of my nights like it was just me and a bottle of wine
On a summer night and I don’t work tomorrow.
Just all alone with no body to follow.
Every time I stop to swallow,
I’m reminded of the times my mom said she would win the lotto,
And we could settle down at some place in Colorado.
I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me bravo
But my confidence hasn’t been hurt and also
I don’t look to the sky for an answer
Of why they took my friend away with the bullshit of cancer.
I’ve been staying outside just getting closer to the weather
Knowing that life could come and take me whenever.
In the midst of all this pressure I’ve been able to keep it together.
I look forward to these nights as simple as salt and pepper.
When I can sit outside and smoke cigarettes with no shoes and a sweater.

Happy without me

Hey there past lover
Did you ever move on?
Did you find yourself another smaller boy to take your heart?
Did you ever make that dude with a ponytail more than just a friend?
I didn’t ever listen to your one drunk voicemail at 4am
And well, you never called again.
Now that I’ve stopped putting things up my nose,
I seem to be pretty alright with you not being alone.
I couldn’t really say if I’d smile if I saw you
But I’ve been a lot better and I hope you have been too.
I’ve gotta girl that looks a lot like I remember you did
And she seems to think I make love as good as you did
But I won’t rub it in your nose
Because I remember I left pretty cold.
I never plan on calling you again
And I just hope that you stayed away from all of my friends.
I’ve been liking the way things are going
And I can honestly say I’ve never been so happy to drive past Des Moines again.

Sun

This day’s so nice I don’t even want to blink.
The sun’s surrounding everything I think.

It’s almost fucking summer

As the seasons change
I find motivation in the weather.
When then sun comes out,
It’ll be my day.
I open up as my clothes fall off
And feel better with the sense of options.
The nights are just right for you to fall asleep in my my flannel
And I decide to turn off the tv instead of change the channel.
When you fall asleep with not a button on
We wake up determined to make the morning long.
I couldn’t believe the sway of things.
It moved with the breeze and now I cope with ease.
Now it’s my time, or rather ours
To turn our hearts in the direction of summer.
When I see the community turn out
I see the moods all turn out for the better.
We’ll sweat it out and make best of the time together.
My hand in yours, a unity that could last forever.

The sun inside didn’t die.

It’s funny how I fucked up
And gave you up for dumb luck.
I turned down anti depressants,
And began to deconstruct
Until I found what was corrupt.
I think it was my attitude
That kept me in a shitty mood.
I laid my past in segments
And looked at every excuse
Until I could conclude
That I had been the problem.
Coming into spring, I blossomed
Through all my scary thoughts,
And now proud to say I solemnly
Swear I’ll take it slow till autumn.
I have so much to live for
Even though I’m so sore.
I can wiggle out the knots
Until my new girl’s at my front door.
I couldn’t ask for much more.

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