I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray

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Good times

I still catch a buzz off cigarettes I roll
And my bank account hasn’t landed in double digits.
I still feel my eyes dilate at new faces
And there are intangible things I can’t shake.
I still wonder if I could ever love just one woman
And I feel terrible that just one could love me.
I still feel that there is someone I’d like to be
But I’m completely satisfied with how I’ve turned out.
I never really feel completely out of luck
Because I know that sometimes life just sucks
But the bad times are alright in the past
When everything I see is through a half full glass.

Barefoot with rats

It’s going to be a long night in the basement.
I’ll be staring at the walls smoking with dead rats.
Feeling nothing at all when I try to keep my head from falling;
I’d say I’m waiting for a call but it’s easier to give up.
Part of being brave is that you’re still afraid but I’m not.
The spiders won’t bother me at all
As I remain to stall,
I’ll just lay down and I’ll sprawl because I need the space.
Here, I am your slave you don’t have to persuade me.
I’ll stay in my cave and wait for you to save me.

Spreading legs of spiders

I know I was a bastard.
I know you knew what I was up to
And you still let me figure it out.
Time, space, and freedom were given from the kind hands you sit on
And I just let you until they went numb.
I know you’re not dumb.
I was either too selfish to run
Or I just didn’t have it in my lungs.
Somehow you still stuck close to your soul
And for some reason I decided to notice.
Water hit the ground with our clothes
And I held the curtain for you as an offer, I suppose.
Warm puddles formed around your toes while I stood under the faucet.
Somewhat exhausted, I couldn’t open my eyes.
Baptized in love, there’s less clarity in my disguise while my skin is indented.
I intend to love you like I did in that shower.
I will keep you warmer than that water
And I won’t let a good girl get used as fodder.
I could watch all of empire with you
While I give all of Kuyler to you.
I pray all your darkness turns blue
And all my feelings are true.

Median of my high and low

Will you hold me tonight.
Sing to me how our relationship is tough but it’s all gonna work out.
I’m fairly tired and things aren’t working like I planned out.
My confidence seemed to dwell on me
And right now things do not look well for me
I’m losing a love in pursuit of another.
She spills blood and I chose to be loved like a brother.
The good times just don’t aline with the bad.
It doesn’t matter if my selfishness hides.
I will still get what’s mine.
If I do wake up to sunshine in the morning,
I’ll roll a cigarette and listen to soft guitar.
If I wake up and hear that it’s pouring,
I’ll roll a joint and fall back asleep with my head in the stars.
I might not know how to cope with this
But I’m fine with keeping it to myself.
Until both of these bags are empty, I don’t need any help.

Tar

My body is foreign to me.
I am a shadow projected for all to see.
I am faith. I do not believe.
I fear my conscious will not retrieve
The greatness in my sleep.
I’ve taken wool off a sheep
And I have secretes to keep.

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