I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray


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Tell us one more joke

Why’d you have to get all crazy and hate me?

Why’d there have to be a fat ass in all my day dreams?

I spend every day at home rooting for the away team. 
Baby girl told me hit her up if I need anything and she’s still waiting.
Okay, that’s a lie cause when I’m drunk I cry 
But not out of my eyes, just in thirsty ass texts that never get replies. 
I wake up with my head in my hands like this is the beginning of my demise 
But I just get out of bed to find the monkey bars and clear my mind. 
I’m a pen that you keep scratching to try to get a line out of and I feel like a naked heel in a pair of new shoes. 
I blank my eyes and cross my truce.  
In the morning, I hold my pee and wait for my cues from you that everything will be alright today. 
I’m enlightened but I keep my head in the pot all day. 
My mom is praying to God that it is just a phase
And I’m just trying to keep this dry ass contact in my face. 
Lately I’ve been lonely and I need some space.
It makes sense to me but I’m a hippie two steppin with depression. 
I don’t really mind because I know I’m a caterpillar and I’m preppin my cocoon to stop this regression. 
I’m truly better off on my own calling my mom on the phone
But I hardly ever call her and I’m too pretty to never listen to another cute girl moan my name. 
I’m sorry I left you out in the rain but I would do it again. 

Hungover mornings

I think the lightest I ever feel is when I’m hungover with some friends and it’s early in the morning and there is passive small talk among us. When pretty much everyone has a pillow or blanket over their face because the blinds ever work well enough and we feel like shit. Our vocal chords are torn but still speak on the night before and everyone wants breakfast but getting up isn’t worth it. Even if I wake up earlier than everyone, there’s something about the unity of it all. There’s something that comes with my soft posture and gentleness that makes me feel light. There’s a calm in the room that no one wants to disturb. It’s just quiet and I feel light. 

Watching re-runs

You’re standing over me with my keys in your hand. 
It’s 9am and I just need ten more minutes please. 
You lay you’re head down and I fall into a half dream. 
This scene is familiar but it’s just been so long.  

I’ve got you until I have to piss

And I’m going to make the most of this. 
I don’t care if you’re not over me
I could really use the comfort
And I don’t want to start this over
I just don’t mind you knowing I’m not doing that well either. 


I sleep so often because I’d rather dream

Then playing petty games to get laid. 
Since I left you I have been happy
But no one has taken your space. 
I’ve kissed a few faces 
But none are as sweet as your taste. 
You had storm clouds following you
And I just couldn’t keep the umbrella above you. 
I know you still resent me leaving. 
I know you’d still take me back even though
You’re friends would turn their backs. 
There’s either something or someone in the room
To hold me back from letting go always. 
I have fun and I don’t mind sleeping alone. 
I haven’t bought much weed last month
But I’m still buried neck deep. 
I’m either in a town that is not quite my speed 
Or I’m on ground that’s not quite what I need. 
I’m a cowardly boy and I will be until I’m drunk. 
My hands stay still like a body in a trunk 
Whether in my lap or on your breast. 
I swear to god I’m not sad or apathetic. 
I try hard and I don’t regret it. 
The day I left, set me free
And for now, all I want to do is dream. 

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