I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray

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Projector

My vibrations have been like a seizure
But I won’t swallow my tongue so please don’t hold me down.
I want to have sex in front of a projector for the rest of my life
So I can be painted in the beautiful parts of the world
And leave negative space for the beautiful people in my bed.
I want to write all my poems in paint
So everyone sees the thickness even when I can hardly rhyme.
I want to take records off the shelf and put books in a crate
To see how well sound and writing translate
At 4 am when I’m up too late.
I often wake up before the sun comes to shine
And lay there with nothing going on in my head.
Just the soft rhythm of the breath next to me
And waiting to let out all of the best of me.

Mellotraumatic

When your body is ten pounds heavier sinking in the couch
The last thing you want to say finally comes out of your mouth.
I’m tired. I’m lonely.
I wanna fuck until I have to stop and neither of us cum.
Oh come on baby, it’s Sunday lets be lazy
I’m fed up with entertaining myself
And I’m feeling like I just gave up.

I quit smoking cigarettes

I wish I could get the reclaim from my cigarettes.
Just dig around inside my chest
And roll a few for my friends.
With tar all over my hands,
Maybe I could make things stick
And stop feeling so fucking sick.

Gypsy fingers

I’m sorry I broke your heart.
It could happen to anyone I bring home.
I counted your fingers by the ring
You had nine with one left cold while your sleeping.
I know you wanted so much more from me
But I can only dance so well with two left feet.
I swear our last kiss was just as sweet
As I was when I met you
But life doesn’t stay by the creek in autumn.
If I can quit cigarettes I know you get past this.
We might stare at the ashtray and think about it every fucking day
But it’s a new life nonetheless.
I’m sorry but I needed to get all of this out of my chest.

Tortoise breakups

My hands are tied behind my back.
Go ahead and throw one to the lips I kissed you with.
When I fall you can stand me up or keep me down.
It doesn’t really matter to me anymore.
You can twist your hand in my hair and drag me up my stairs.
I’ll let you have your way with me if I can get mine too.
Give me all the negativity I hate.
Take off my blind fold and make me watch.
You can say I’m not allowed to change my mind
But I have so give me your worst.
Transfuse my confidence with your insecurities.
Call me all the dirty things you call yourself
And I’ll spit my comfort on the floor.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
Make me feel as bad as you do.
Get it off your chest and start over
Because no matter how sweet the next guy is,
His legs are going to get tired of carrying you to bed
And he will run out of yellow to paint in your head.
Sometimes your name is on a big pill and you keep knocking over glasses.
I’m sorry I won’t sneak it in your sandwich;
You’re just going to have to figure it out.

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