I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray


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I fall in love knowing it will end. 

I kiss knowing their lips will touch others. 
I fall asleep with people fully aware that they will leave in the morning. 
I’m not thinking about what I could have
Or what I feel that I deserve. 
The only thing I’ll ever really know is how I feel right now. 
I don’t see the point in denying what is undoubtedly right in front of me.  


If you get close to me prepare to fall in love. 

Just be ready to project that love outward. 
Please for your own sake, don’t hold on to me. 
Refract that light and stop being such a coward. 

spaced out snuggles

I don’t really fuck with Xanax but I just took two and half bars
I’d like to take you home from the bar after our eyes lock
and we could drink a beer and slur a story for the folks in mars.
I’m not afraid to speak about the dark spots of my head
and I could really use some comfort in this bed.
I’ve been waking up sweating and happy.
I’ve been jolly in my filth.
I don’t need anyone to comfort me
but i really want you to.

I want your touch on my chin
while I tuck you in
I wanna suck your bottom lip
while I feel the inside of your hip
I want to kiss your arm
and love you from your mind to your eyes.

We could go home and I’d try not to pass out.
Will you drive me around while these lights streak on the scenic route?
I’ll let my seatbelt hold me up
as we listen to the quietness of falling in love.

I’d love to tell you all the things I’m afraid of
while my voice cracks when I speak
If you lived in my bed I wouldn’t go to class all week

You say you want me I say I want you
but we don’t want each other when our eyes meet.
It is suddenly too real and it’s easier to be quiet.
Our voices push on our lips but holding it back feels safer.

I’m not afraid to fail because
I love myself more than anyone else could.
I’ve conquered my soul and
I’m just left to project myself.

I’m sharp for the first three hours of my day
and then I watch it all waste away
I want call you to come play
but the park gets so crowded
and I’d just end up smiling and crossing my ankles.

If I could untie my shoe laces I would walk over
If I could wiggle my eyes up to you you would know
You would know I want you bad
I want you bad like I want to keep my piss dirty
But I need a job for my resume this summer
and I’m alright with the way we are.

You won’t die in my arms because I won’t let you
Your tolerance is low but so am I tonight.
If I could kiss you I’d get so high.
If I could hold you I’d feel so light
but I’d probably float away so
thanks for keeping me grounded.

I’ve not nothing to show but everything to reflect
I’m terrified of my future but I’m happy to be here
We can just sip this beer and take these bars
like we are positive we won’t die
I could only kiss you without looking in you eye
but I couldn’t give up on you even if I tried.

Tell us one more joke

Why’d you have to get all crazy and hate me?

Why’d there have to be a fat ass in all my day dreams?

I spend every day at home rooting for the away team. 
Baby girl told me hit her up if I need anything and she’s still waiting.
Okay, that’s a lie cause when I’m drunk I cry 
But not out of my eyes, just in thirsty ass texts that never get replies. 
I wake up with my head in my hands like this is the beginning of my demise 
But I just get out of bed to find the monkey bars and clear my mind. 
I’m a pen that you keep scratching to try to get a line out of and I feel like a naked heel in a pair of new shoes. 
I blank my eyes and cross my truce.  
In the morning, I hold my pee and wait for my cues from you that everything will be alright today. 
I’m enlightened but I keep my head in the pot all day. 
My mom is praying to God that it is just a phase
And I’m just trying to keep this dry ass contact in my face. 
Lately I’ve been lonely and I need some space.
It makes sense to me but I’m a hippie two steppin with depression. 
I don’t really mind because I know I’m a caterpillar and I’m preppin my cocoon to stop this regression. 
I’m truly better off on my own calling my mom on the phone
But I hardly ever call her and I’m too pretty to never listen to another cute girl moan my name. 
I’m sorry I left you out in the rain but I would do it again. 

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