I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray


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Cover Up

Breaking up just means more cigarettes in my free time
And the first beer of the day tasting a little better.
It means practicing guitar a little longer
In my underwear in my room.
It means returning complements to girls I’m not into
And watching the neighbors from my porch.
Breaking up means I shouldn’t call you
When I’m tired of working and I need some rest.
It means I stay half awake all day
But never fall asleep on the couch.
It means I still have a lot left to say
But stay quiet because I can’t do that to you.

I put up new wall paper yesterday
And ran my hand across it today.
I feel the bumps from the paint I didn’t scrape
I hope they aren’t noticeable from far away.
I just pray that the paper stays on there
And that when people are over it won’t tear.
I couldn’t stand to see it bare
Like I saw you early in the morning.
The peach flesh tone of a woman out of breath
Used to surround me in this house.
Now I’m spending all of my time
trying to cover up all of my doubts,.

I Carved My Initials in the Mast

I’ve built a ship inside a bottle
an the sails drape on an amber sea.
I locked something up and held the key up to swallow.
What it was I can’t remember for the life of me
but the deck starts to wobble I can still feel it in my chest.
I pledge allegiance while in a headstand
With my toes crossed and my heart uninvested.
Life isn’t going quite like planned
and falling face first into a breast
is like my feet digging deep in some sand.
The tide rolls high and I straighten my posture
with a cigarette in my mouth and a lighter in hand
I just keep feeding the imposter.
I’ve been at the end of the plank before
with my wrist tied and my heels holding on
while my back  getting tickled by a sword.
I asked the clouds to let me speak to God
and they put me on hold for an hour
just to tell me he spent all day planting trees in the sod
and I caught him in the middle of a shower.
I didn’t bother to leave a message
I just turned to friends and my mom’s advice.
Turned out to be like finding a ring in some wreckage
and finding out it’s too valuable for a price.
I think I can start to see a crest on the waves
With the wind on my neck I can see the shore.
A crack in the glass is a chipped link for a slave.
The bottle starts rolling until it meets the floor
Good God there was a hole in the bow and found a buoy.
Liberated from a tattoo decision made by a teen
and now feeling as I’ve awaken from a dream
I stick my fingers down my throat to reach the key
and will remain to tell the tale of the day washed up from the sea.

Never Being Settled With the Exact Time

There’s something about the way my insecurities tuck me in
After I’m a month in and worry about the sin
Everything’s good with an after taste of gin
And I get a little drunk and start remembering
How I kissed you two hundred times before noon
And how much I missed you sets in when I’m in my room
And I start thing about who’s crossed me
I feel real small like I need a car seat
I’m car sick on the high way though Nebraska
I’ve got sad things that I never want to ask you
Because I know that you’ve got gold
And your heart isn’t like your feet that stay so cold.
It doesn’t matter how much I grow old
I’ve got teenaged tendencies setting like mold
And one day I’ll grow up but it’s just not now
I’ve got this funny way of keeping me down
And it’s not just how I was treated by the ones I left
It’s not the absent taste of cigarette on my breath
It’s just something that my mind has kept
And my heart needs to forget.
Every person is a different chapter
And I keep waiting to find it in the epilogue well after
I’ve been sitting on the couch looking at the rafters
Wondering if my tragedies ring out with laughter
Or if they’ll cry and just stand by
Hoping for deleted scenes after the credits
Where the sun will shine
And I’ll cash in my debts
It’s just so hard living on two hundred dollars
And wanting to give you every single dollar
With my rent on my mind
And my habits not quite getting behind
I’ve got nothing but time
But I have a hard time being perfectly fine.

Young and Fuckin’ Up

I’ll go ahead and give you some space
And when you’re ready I’ll give you my grace
I just don’t like those tears on your face
But I know we all go to our own little place.
We can slow down
Love will still be there tomorrow.
We don’t have to show now
How we hold on to a little sorrow.
I promise I can wait for the sunrise.
It’ll come sooner than you think
And just like a surprise
You’ll just blink
And your eyes will be dry.
All the things you hold onto
Will just be gone.
Nothing more will hold on
Except my arms and the sweetest song
I can forgive you for whatever you did wrong

Can I have your short?

I like sharing cigarettes with you because we are so set on being through but it’s different when I’m with you. We know it’s bad but it’s all cool. 


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