I Watched My Brain Turn Ashtray


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The Depression You Hold on to.

I am the pain you will never hate
Because I leave before you’re awake.
I speak in a language you can’t translate
Until you’re on your own and it’s already too late.
Someday I’ll be able to find my light
But you know it won’t be tonight.
Speak my name only out of spite
And know that I will lose the fight.
We will both be happy in the end
Though I have lost you as a friend.
There will be so much time to spend
Lusting in ways that don’t seem pretend.
There will always be hearts at my feet
And there be shame if I deceit.
I don’t blame you if you think I’m a deadbeat
Because I kept our love in the back seat.
I continue to live the same narration,
Cutting ties to stagnate relations.
I know when I reach my salvation
There will be girls at my grave giving a standing ovation.


I tell myself I’m a lover in the day time
When I’m sitting in the basement of my home
But when the lights go out in my head on the weekend
I tell you everything that would make you want to go.
I wake up with amnesia still believing in that good man
Until I’m told that you deserve an apology from me.
I can let the headaches go even if it makes the night slow.
I can rid that man that shows up with eyes as empty as the can in his hand.
I won’t make anyone love me with an asterisk
And I won’t continue putting my relationships at risk.
I will prove I can over come this
And live a life with exposed wrists.

Playing Possum

I hope you regret picking your mind over your heart.
I hope you’re too scared to tell me I was right
But I still remember the night you showed up blacked out
Your lipstick smeared from trying new boys out
You were angry but then you passed out
I left you on the couch.
The next morning you came upstairs
and I sent you one floor higher.
That’s last time I made you smile
And I wish I could have ended there
But I’m always scared of letting go
So you know I over stayed my welcome.
I just couldn’t break the full nelson
But when you see me next I’ll still be the cute boy with a mustache
And I’ll still wonder why I ever tried to make it last.

The dumped

I hope you regret picking your mind over your heart.
I hope you’re too scared to tell me I was right.
I hope I stay inside your mindAnd I keep you up every night. 

Beer Cans in the Bathtub

I know my feet stink I didn’t wear socks all summer
I don’t like my shower and maybe I sound dumber
But that’s the last place I fucked you just last week
So now I’ve decided I’ll just wash them in the sink.
Drinking beer without you gets you off my mind
I’ve started earlier every day but I really do feel fine.
A shot feels like a cigarette and beer feels like a dip
I’ve got a steady buzz and I no longer feel sick.
One day I’ll be better at admitting when I’m scared.
One day I’ll be better at letting you know I care
But this week I’m just comfortable with friends
And I don’t really want to think about loose ends.


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