The Day I Fell in Love with a Stoner.
Every day I turn into a ghost, I disappear within my flesh and my voice only echoes in my head. Few friends see me, which I am thankful for, but most just pass me by. I break eye contact with hundreds every day. I feel the line between our eyes pull and the tension is too great for my brittle fishing line. I keep myself together though. I look forward to the weekends with my family where I feel alive again. Not many know my story and for the most part, they’d tell you I’m doing alright. For the most part, they are right, but when I’m not alright, I’m bad. I slowly inhale loneliness as I feel it burn my throat and lungs. It’s like all the kids I’ve never said hi to are slowly stacking on me, trying to build a ladder to heaven.
This was my life prior to today. Today was something different. I met a girl today, well she met me. I was walking down the hall and I heard my name yelled from a distance. I hardly even heard it, I more felt it. It crawled up the back of my neck, individually combing my hairs and gently blew up into my ears, barely shaking them at all. Normally I would keep moving but this time it was a girl’s voice so I decided to see. I turned around and the kid behind me ran directly into me, almost breaking me from my feet. I saw her. She was the girl that always found the tallest guy to hug so she could stand on her tip toes and hope to get her hands behind their neck. Her clothes were tearing and a little dirty, but it looked nice on her. Her light brown hair was often tangled from the way she would drive with her windows down screaming the songs she played out of her C.D. player.
I waved shyly as I absorbed her for the first time. She was beautiful. She softly tugged on her shirt at the shoulder then pointed to me and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled and turned around as I proceeded to my locker. I didn’t think I had really walked before because now it felt like I was on the moon. Before my feet were dragging through the floor beneath me but now I was hardly touching the carpet.
Later in the day I was going to my last class and I saw her again. I she was walking straight to me and I tried to avoid her. I looked at my phone as if I had something to look at as I walked by her and she turned around and hugged my back. I dropped my phone but not because she knocked it out, I was just filled with too much shock. She laid her head on my shoulder and said, “Hey, come with me. I don’t think I can stand it here for another minute.” I didn’t speak but she held my hand and I followed obediently. Her hand wasn’t as soft as I would have thought but it was even more gentle. We didn’t try to hold hands they just held themselves. She took me out to her car as I looked back over my shoulder. Her car was a 1990 Lincoln Town Car. It was painted red at some point but now there were just a few chips to remain its identity. There were more dents than a golf ball and her windows had been painted on by her friends. She laughed at my face that had been lost in examination and said, “This is my baby. Let’s hope it starts today.”
I chuckled as she got in the driver’s seat and rolled my window down and she said, “Sorry dude, the door doesn’t open, climb in.” I put my stuff in the floor of the car and proceeded to put my leg through the window and got in. She laughed once more, “I was kidding man this car isn’t that shitty, you are pretty cute.” I felt the blood hit my face like a crashing wave and I could only awkwardly smile. “No one is at my house tonight, you aren’t doing anything right?” It was Thursday so I had work off but I didn’t know if my mom would mind.
“Not at the moment, I don’t know when I have to be home though.” I could feel my voice shaking.
“You can spend the night at my place, man. Don’t sweat it.” She was so calm that I began to relax a little myself although I knew I’d be killed if my parents found out what I was doing.
“I’ll text my mom.”
“Sounds cool.” She turned the ignition and as the engine tried to turn, it sounded like a record from hell that was skipping over and over. It finally started after a loud boom and the smell of gasoline made my nose hairs try to run back into my skin. She was my concern and said, “Don’t worry, man, it happens every time.” I smiled and looked back down at my phone.
“My mom said it was fine if I stay at Brandon’s.”
I smiled and saw her smile stretch across her face too when she said, “Who would have guessed you were the little rebel?” We drove off slowly but surely and it wasn’t long before she turned on her music. I enjoyed the sound of a hollow-body guitar and the raspy man singing his heart out as did she.
We arrived at her house she smiled as she unlocked her door. I asked her why and she just shook her head and said, “If you get hungry or thirsty, take what you want. I do most of the shopping anyways.” I sat down on her couch and almost fell in it. The springs were smashed and it had shown great aging in the cushions. She laughed and said, “Come out here with me I wanna show you somethin’.” I stood up and followed her obediently once more. I’m not sure if it was her beauty, or the way she took control, but I kind of already started to love her.
She headed to the back porch and I followed her. I accidentally slammed the screen door and we both laughed a little. It was nice back there; surrounded by trees and hearing the sounds of nature. She kind of looked out past the trees for awhile as she stood and leaned against the railing. She finally broke the silence. “Do you smoke?”
“No. I hear cigarettes are a pretty bad habit to break.” She laughed at my innocence and pulled out a brown, long, and skinny swisher.
She looked down for a second and began to speak seriously for the first time, “I’m not a bad person. I’m not. Like, everyone thinks I am because of what I do, but I’m really not bad. I don’t know anymore really. I am lost in my bind so I smoke this and begin to travel through time. My body is worn until I take a drag to keep my face warm. I can close my eyes and go anywhere, but sometimes I just choose to stay here. I have never traveled with someone else because I mostly only hold this lit when I’m by myself. You are something special though, so with me I’ll let you travel. So long as you take me in, and promise to stay for awhile.” She had just begun to pour her heart out and I never looked away. Our eyes held together tight and strong. This is what I needed. She made me feel how I had wanted. Just wanted.
“I cannot say no, you are too beautiful, too perfect to let go. I will embrace you as you take me to another place.” She looked down a little bit but I still stared at her.
“Beauty is only skin deep,” her eyes rose again to meet mine, “I will let you inside me and together we will be light on our feet forever. We will surely explore each other and you must understand that we may become lovers.” I begin to smile and never looked away.
“I have no more fear. I would like to be anywhere with you dear. I will stay with you forever. Just take me anywhere but here.” I was a mess, I’ll admit. I felt like I was crumbling with every step I had taken before but she was fixing me now, or at least holding me together.
She smiled and said, “I don’t know why you think you’re not good enough, like, the way you are shy and everything. You are probably the coolest person I’ve met so far.” I chose not to answer. She put her hand in her small pocket. Her pants were so tight, I could see the shape of the object long before she even pulled it out. Her fingers were white as she reached to grab it and finally she took out the lighter with her too fingers. Her green eyes were as innocent as and owl’s as her face was illuminated from the orange fire. Her hair hid most of her face now but I didn’t mind. My heart was beating faster as she placed the blunt between her lips. She took in a slow drag and grabbed my hand. She put the blunt down and kissed me as she exhaled the smoke from deep in her lungs as it violently forced its way into my mouth. It coursed through my body, searching for my heart. It tore down my throat and ripped at my insides as I fought to hold her in, but it could only make it as far as my lungs before I began to choke.
When I opened my eyes we were in an old city. The road was formed of bricks and the buildings had the construction of true artists. “It’s pretty rad, huh?” she smiled as I was looking all over. “I like coming back here. I’ve always been fascinated by England. Watch this shit though.” Quickly the buildings began melting and the clouds in the sky were on fire. The bricks began to shake as they changed between multi-colored patterns. I couldn’t believe my eyes as time started to glitch and my heart was beating slow but hard. She started slipping away, “Shit, I was worried this would happen. I don’t know how long I’m staying. I have no control once I leave. I will come back though, I swear. I promise, I will come back.” Her voice started to echo when she spoke and her voice became only static in my ears. Slowly I saw a fiery cloud begin to collapse upon me. The ground, starting to drain in, was almost saving me from this sight. Then I felt my skin falling from my bones as her name was engraved in my ribs above my heart. I felt myself falling into nothingness. All I was left with was the wind blowing in my ears and my thoughts raging in my head.
I opened my eyes once more as smoke gently kissed my neck on its way out of my mouth and it came back in my nose and filled my eyes with blurry visions of her. My movement was still slow. My arm slowly twitched as I reached for the blunt once more. “I will find you.” I placed it in my mouth and lit it once more. It tasted sweet as it took the spit from my lips. I inhaled the smoke once more. My chest caught fire once more. I closed my eyes once more but I couldn’t go anywhere. I coughed the smoke out, it was not as gentle this time, where she was standing. I felt my ribs again and sat down with a smile. I breathed her in slowly as smoke filled my lungs again. I now look up to the stars and wait for her to return to earth.