What I Think About at Night

by kuylerquijas

If I die early, I want you to know I’m okay with it. I don’t fear death lately and I seem to have no purpose or direction. I’ve been going through motions my whole life and I don’t really seem to have any ambition lately. I’m not suicidal but I’m not afraid of drugs. They have made life manageable by allowing me to take vacations for a few hours. It’s selfish to kill yourself, I know, that’s why I want you to know I didn’t. I promise if I died it wasn’t on purpose. You still have my love friends and family, you still have my love darling, but this lack of interest in a future doesn’t seem promising. It isnt a lack of sex or times you tell me you love me, I’m just indifferent on the future dear. It explains my lack of fear i suppose. If I fail out of college, I’m sorry. I’m not sure I really belong here anyways. I’ve had a good life so far and I want you all to know you were great to me. If you question my opinion on living and dying, you’ll only find out through the eyes I see.