What the fuck am I doing

by kuylerquijas

I’ve been a bad person
With the decisions I’ve made.
My girlfriend left me
And I even waved.
This bottle in my hand,
I will take to the grave.
I’m never sober
So you know I don’t behave.
Come here baby
Don’t be afraid.
I’ve got Christmas lights on the wall
Come kick it in the shade.
You can call it sad
But I’m chugging some jäg.
You always knew I wasn’t happy
And a little afraid
But now I’m alone
Looking for something to pave.
It’s a lost cause
I’ve proved I’m insane.
Inside my head
It only rains.
Loneliness
Leaks in my brains
And now I’m alone
But feel no pain.
I broke her heart
When I ripped of the reins
And I roll in bed
Looking for the day
When I will wake up less drunk.
And I can sleep on the top bunk
Without fear of puking.
Maybe I’ll dangle my feet off the side
And my latest fuck will tickle them
And make them hide.
But that’s all in due time.
My heart is hard to find.
I could go back with rewind
But I’d rather smoke and unwind.
It’s a terrible place inside my mind
And I hope one day that you will find
That everything I left behind
Was something I loved.
Maybe you can remind me
Why I treat people so unkindly
And can walk off smiling.
This isn’t to be takin lightly.
My pain is blindly.
I’m snorting things oh no.
I’m tweaking hard let’s go.
I fear no foe
And I’m running myself into the floor.
Nobody will help me
And I don’t mind.
I’ll throw up tonight
And in the morning.
I have no time for mourning.
Fuck school
And fuck a future.
I’m self-destructive,
You didn’t get the picture?
My middle fingers up
Like shots fired.
My life sucks
And I might retire
But I need to try acid first.
New drugs will keep me out the hearse
Even though I’m falling head first.
Let’s hope it will open my eyes.
Let’s hope it works.

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